


all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling

by sapphire2309



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Angst with a capital A, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, basically all the sex, i want to delete all the sex tags but also not?, in case you think i'm joking i'm not i'm SERIOUS about the capital A, moments after sex, moments before sex, shoot have out-of-control libidos when it comes to each other ok bye, there'll be moments during sex soon enough probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-17 09:18:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire2309/pseuds/sapphire2309
Summary: Things Shoot would have said to each other if they had all the time they deserve.Or: Shaw's got things to say, y'all.Newest content:Chapter 8 - things you said when you were crying (85 words)





	1. things you said at 1 a.m.

**Author's Note:**

> A series of Shoot responses to the ["things you said"](http://spicycheeser.tumblr.com/post/164315979161/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a) prompt list. Rating and warning(s) may change, so keep an eye on those. I've currently set it at Choose Not To Warn. Chapter-specific content notes are, well, in the chapter notes. Updates may be sporadic and will depend entirely upon the state of my muse. The title is from Florence + the Machine's 'All This And Heaven Too'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking for what used to be this chapter way back when in the beginning, see Chapter 12
> 
> If you're looking for what was here yesterday, see Chapter 4 (over the phone is filled halleluia)
> 
> haha i'm such a confused puppy

Shaw's eyes are burning with exhaustion by the time she knocks on the door of the safehouse Root is currently staying in. 

Root opens the door, surprised. "Sameen? What are you-"

"Shut up and let me in," Shaw grits out. 

Root blinks. "Sure." She steps out of the doorway. 

Shaw heads straight for Root's bed, flops onto the duvet, breathes in the smell of perfume and Root, and shuts her eyes. "Not. A word," she says in Root's general direction. 

"You came here because you couldn't sleep? That is so sweet, Sameen."

Shaw yanks a pillow closer and sticks it on top of her head.


	2. things you said through your teeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best writing but idc :D
> 
> Um. Content note for really violent fantasies and rough sex. I think I've made it clear enough that Root's into everything that happens, though.
> 
> (If you'd like to suggest any other content notes, I'm all ears!)

The first time they fuck goes like this:

Root's spent the past week flirting with Shaw subtly and not-so-subtly, and honestly there's only so much a girl can take, so when she says the words "you" and "bed" in the same sentence, Shaw grabs her by the throat and slams her into the nearest wall and hisses, "I don't know if I want to kill you or fuck you, and I sure as hell don't want to figure it out, so _stop trying to make me_."

"Fuck me, obviously," Root says, and Shaw wants to scream.

"Unless you tell me to stop," she says instead, "I'm taking you to a hotel, getting us a room, and fucking your brains out."

"What's the word for 'go'?" Root asks, voice gone dangerously low.

Shaw grits her teeth, fastens one hand around Root's wrist, bruise-tight, and drags her along.

 

When they get to the room and shut the door behind them, Shaw's hand sneaks back to Root's throat, and Root's response is to _melt_. Her eyes go soft and her lips part _(alluringly)_ and she looks like she's just seen a God or a supercomputer.

She wants to kill Root in that exact second, freeze her face like that forever and peel the skin off of it, she wants claws instead of nails so she can split Root's skin and feel it tear, she wants—

_—to press Root into the mattress and kiss that spot to the right of her lips and kiss the side of her neck and kiss her closed eyelids—_

—she grabs Root by the nape of her neck and drags her into the elegant, nondescript room and shoves her onto the bed hard enough to knock all the breath out of her.

She climbs onto Root without wasting any time, holds her down with body weight and the edge of one hand digging into her throat, holds her down like she's an animal carcass or a feast or a _thing_.

Her lips brush against Root's earlobe. 

"I _hate_ you," Sameen says through clenched teeth, with all the emotion she can find, and Root's eyes roll back in her head, and Sameen honestly can't tell if it's a stress reaction or a pleasure reflex.


	3. things you said too quietly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like these two should be posted together.

The first time they make love goes like this:

Root touches her gently and kisses her gently and holds her down with fine-boned fingers and drives her out of her mind and Sameen honestly doesn't know if she wants to cry softly or scream or kiss some more.

"I have... emotions... and I'm not sure I can figure them out," Sameen says, when they're nothing more than weights on the mattress, barely conscious of the world outside their bubble of two, and she thinks it was just loud enough for Root to hear, and, mercifully, Root doesn't say a thing.


	4. things you said over the phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was chapter 1 for like a day haha why am i so confused in life.

Shaw tracks their number using the scope on her rifle. "You in position?" she says over the comms.

Root's smile is audible in her voice. "Always, sweetie."

Shaw does not grit her teeth. 

There's a reason she didn't address Root by name. Feelings are... messy. They can cloud your brain and screw with your aim. They're a distraction. But Shaw wasn't chosen by the ISA for nothing. She's excellent at compartmentalising. (She wishes Root was too, sometimes.)

"So. Are we killing this guy or does our robot overlord have other plans?"

"We're not killing him. I'm sorry, sweetie, I know how much you like to use your gun."

Shaw blinks once, tunes Root out, and waits for orders, because it's pretty much the only way she'll make it through the night and stay sane at the same time.

(Later that night, she takes her time making sure that Root doesn't have any breath left to flirt with.)


	5. things you didn't say at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If-Then-Else, simulation two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Notes: Canon (simulated) character death, canon (real) character death.
> 
> If negative person/tense/whatever-the-word-is wasn't a thing already, I just made it one. I tried to write the whole thing in negatives but then double (and triple?) negatives happened and shit got ugly.

This is not what happens:

Root's torso is riddled with more bullets than a person can survive. Her body falls to the ground, fingers still loosely curled around the axe.

 

This is not what happens next:

Shaw storms the stock exchange with Semtex, a submachine gun, and plenty of ammo. She doesn't feel up to playing nice or sparing lives. She prefers this, prefers blood bathing her feet, prefers death because death is all that is, and if Root isn't getting a decent goddamn burial, at the very least she deserves to be avenged.

And, you know, Finch and Fusco could use a rescue.

(Reese is dead, but that registers like a papercut after a stab wound to the abdomen. It stings, yeah, but which matters more?)

 

This conversation never happens:

"She was a better analogue interface for you."

"You're two different people," She says, and sometimes Shaw wishes she hadn't let the Machine take Root's voice, but sometimes, the fact that a part of her still exists, it's the only thing that keeps her going.

Shaw stares at the blinking red light. "I loved her. Root. I think."

The Machine is silent.

" _Love_ her," she corrects.

 

Shaw never does say the words, because the way things do happen, she realises it when they're both alive, and neither of them is the type that needs to say it to know it. 

And when Root does die, she dies knowing that she's loved, that she's the centre of Sameen's world. (And that hurts, knowing what Sameen's losing, but it's better than not knowing at all.)

The words have never been important.


	6. things you said under the stars and in the grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summer evening. Two children, miles apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content notes: referenced child abuse and neglect.
> 
> kid!Root and kid!Shaw, y'all. *melts* 
> 
> Not exactly Shoot, but close enough?
> 
> (almost didn't write this today, so i'm heckin proud of me) (also, i cannot for the life of me figure out prompt four, send help)

Sameen allows Maman to hug her as they sprawl onto the grass of their handkerchief-sized yard. "Baba's not up there," she says reasonably. "We cremated him, so he's probably in a flower's petal or a bee's wing by now."

"I know, _bacheh_. But I like to think he's watching over us. Over you."

"Hm. What does love feel like?"

Maman pulls her closer. "It feels like coming home after a long, tiring day," she says, because that's what Sameen will understand most easily.

"That sounds nice. I want that."

 

Root darts through the knee-high grass on bare feet, barely caring. She's bleeding from the side of her head and maybe a little scared and the tree house is safe and has the disinfectant she stole from the school infirmary and the bandages she stole from the store and she could probably use them right now. 

She stops, abruptly, chest heaving, trying to get enough air to keep going. 

"I want better," she informs the stars between gasps. "I deserve better." 

 

(The stars listen. But, you know stars. They're cruel in some ways.)


	7. things you said while we were driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Shoot snark! Also for anyone worried about forthcoming angst I have at least two more prompts that I'm wrestling into pre-sex/post-sex/during-sex snark. I have had it with this angst nonsense honestly. 
> 
> (So basically we'll be back to angst in like 2 days or so but till then enjoy!)

"I shouldn't have trusted Finch with the hotel booking," Root muses as she stuffs her numerous bags into the boot next to Shaw's single overnight stroller. "We'll probably have to shove the twin beds together."

"The twin beds are staying separate," Shaw says as she moves the straps of a duffle bag off her stroller, irritated. 

 

"The Machine predicts plenty of downtime for us. You know, code being compiled, stakeouts, that kind of thing."

"Hmmm."

"Wonder what we'll do with all that time."

Shaw doesn't respond. 

 

"I hope the headboard's decent. I don't have rope, but I do have zipties."

Shaw grunts and turns onto the highway. 

 

"Do you think the shower area will fit both of us?"

"Root, if you don't shut up, I'm stopping the car right here and fucking you in the backseat."

Root gives Shaw a look that doesn't exactly imply that she's troubled by that prospect.

Shaw's mouth twists like she just downed a shot of lemon juice.


	8. things you said when you were crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shaw? crying? srsly why prompt list how am i supposed to do this without resorting to angst.
> 
> also, hi there. lots of crazy stuff happened. i think i might be sane again. so here i am.

A single tear slips down Shaw's cheek. Nothing else in her face gives even a hint of emotion. 

Root's unconscious, thank goodness; the painkillers must have kicked in. Her pained grimace while Shaw stitched up the long gash in her side was difficult to endure, even by Shaw's standards.

Of course Root had to jump in the way of the knife-wielding madman trying to eviscerate Shaw.

Shaw purses her lips disapprovingly. "Thanks," she mutters as she brushes hair out of Root's face. _"Idiot."_


	9. things you said when i was crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away for so long! Mom had dengue and was hospitalised over the weekend. She's much better now! But I had to step up and do a lot of the things she usually does, so I had a lot less time for internet and fun internet things.

_This is new,_ Shaw thinks dazedly, when she opens her front door and finds herself with her arms full of Root, kissing her savagely and tugging at her clothes in an unspoken _get naked, now._

Root shoves her onto her own bed and proceeds to give her some of the best orgasms she's had.

Afterwards, Root falls sideways onto the small patch of mattress left on Shaw's single bed, trembling slightly.

"You okay?" Shaw asks.

Root shakes her head.

Shaw pushes herself up on one elbow, mildly concerned (which is about as concerned as she gets, anyway). "What's wrong?"

"I... I..." she can't stop saying between gasps. She squeezes her eyes shut as tears begin to leak out. "I lo-"

"Don't," Shaw interrupts.

 _"Please,_ Sameen." There are tears on Root's cheeks and she holds Shaw's face between two hands like it's something precious. _"Please."_

The desperation in Root's voice is too much.

Shaw pulls her in, and fits their bodies together, as close as they'll go, and lets Root cry on her shoulder.


	11. things you said when you were drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another one that tried to be things Shaw said at 1 a.m. why is that prompt such a catch-all prompt.

Root finds Sameen seated on the library steps with her legs sprawled out, a bottle of whiskey loosely clasped in one hand. She looks relaxed on the surface, but there's a hunch in her shoulders that says otherwise. 

Root doesn't speak. She just sits one step down from Sameen and extracts the bottle of alcohol from her unresisting fingers. 

Eventually, Sameen says, "My dad died today. Years ago. Today."

Instinctively, Root lays a hand on Sameen's shoulder. Sameen flinches, but doesn't otherwise protest the presence of Root's hand. 

"You know, Gen said the volume was turned down on my feelings. Genrika. Zhirova. And she was right. But you turn the volume up, and that's right too. Why do you turn the volume up, Root?"

Root bites her lip sympathetically.

"Feelings _suck_ ," Sameen says, and doesn't resist when Root pulls her closer and strokes her hair.


	12. things you said when you thought i was asleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE - This was originally Chapter 1, but was shifted when I realized that Chapter 1's prompt had more scope and that this fits Chapter 12's prompt _much_ better.
> 
> (i probably should have held my horses though, i accidentally deleted all the comments. *facepalm*)
> 
> old ch. note - Ugh I need to either figure out pronouns or resign myself to second person. Slash ships need more options tbh.

Staying awake and coherent after three excellent orgasms is too much to ask for, even of a sociopathic ex-assassin. (Much to Root's delight.)

There's something alluring about seeing Sameen asleep. (It's not the same when she's unconscious. That, if anything, is unsettling. She loses a certain undefinable something when muscle control is taken away from her.) Asleep, it's as though her guard _could_ be up, but isn't.

It damn near intoxicates Root.

And, most likely, it's more than Shaw would want her to see.

Root doesn't get very far in the process of disentangling herself from the sheets when a hand closes on her wrist. "Stay," Sameen says firmly, eyes open but not quite cognizant.

Obligingly, Root stills. Not because of Sameen's words, though, but because her body is beyond her control at this precise moment, because of the unrestrained _wonder_ she feels at being allowed to witness this.

Sameen's eyes droop, then slip shut.

Root's mouth parts slightly.

When she fell in love with Sameen, all she dared to hope for was to provoke a response, something more than Sameen's standard poker face. This... this is _reciprocity_ , this is something beyond even her most fantastical dreams.

Sameen probably won't even remember this in the morning.

Root inclines her head so she can press her lips to Sameen's brow. "For as long as you'll have me," she says against the earthy, slightly salty taste of Sameen's skin.


	15. things you said with too many miles between us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in S5, during Shaw's captivity. This is a canon moment, but I don't remember the episode number. I'll add those details later.

_Four alarm fire,_ the Morse code says - _Root_ says - and Shaw's world lights up. 

_Fire axe. Outside. Cupboard. Destructive._

_Electronic locks on the doors. Easy to circumvent._

_Her teeth can strip a wire without any trouble._

"Four alarm fire," Shaw says, just to make her thoughts slow down, because she's been noticing things, taking things in, she's been a soldier too damn long not to. She just hasn't been putting them together, but now that she knows she isn't in a simulation, maybe she can _do something_ about it. 

_Four alarm fire,_ her mind echoes, even when Samaritan's assets subdue her _(for now),_ to remind her that the world is real and that there are things to fight for. The Machine. The numbers. Steak.

_(Root.)_


	16. things you said with no space between us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stole a setup from season 3 of White Collar because two characters stuck between a bookshelf and a wall is kinda perfect for this. 
> 
> Also after Ch 22 I owe you guys all the Shoot snark idek what happened honestly. 
> 
> Apologies to anyone who saw my lorem ipsum text. Accidentally posted this chapter, then decided I may as well write it.

Shaw shifts in the tiny gap between the bookshelf and the wall, Root pressed uncomfortably close to her. 

Root has a very particular glint in her eye, and Shaw knows exactly what it means. 

"Whatever cute innuendo you just came up with? Save it."

Root slides her hands up Shaw's body so she can raise them over her head in surrender. "No innuendo," she promises. 

Shaw sighs with a long-suffering air. 

"Let's _fuck_ ," Root says, a wicked grin brightening her face. Her hands slide into Shaw's hair.

Shaw glares.


	17. things you said that i wish you hadn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone. Life is a bitch. Spoons disappear. You know how it is.

"I love you," Root says, when she thinks Shaw's asleep, when Shaw isn't quite asleep enough to miss those words.

 _I love you_ echoes around Shaw's mind as she tries to stay still long enough to fall asleep. 

_I love you_ haunts her as she tails their latest number through the city.

 _I love you_ consumes her waking thoughts and drives her quite insane.

 _I love you_ is everything she wants to say and everything she can never say for certain that she feels and everything that reminds her of how broken she is.

 _I love you,_ Root says, and Shaw feels acutely how incomplete her creator left her. How feelingless. How dead.


	22. things you said after it was over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post 5x13. 
> 
> Notes: Canon character death. 
> 
> I have no idea why I did what I just did, I am so sorry.

It makes no sense, on one level, coming back to this particular patch of ground every day, in a field full of similar patches of ground, and treating the whole ritual like it means something. 

But all Shaw really knows is that there's a feeling in her chest that she eventually figures out is because she misses Root, and that this is where her body is buried, and that it feels right to keep coming back here, to reenter Root's orbit, if only for a minute. 

 

Shaw provides Root's gravestone with a rotating array of flowers - a geranium one day, a carnation the next, a peony the day after that - before she remembers that Root didn't really care much for flowers. 

Shaw brings stray bits of technology from then on - the card she almost discarded after she punched a SIM card out of it, a frayed wire that she replaced recently, interesting glinting chips from a phone she smashed quite thoroughly. She has to clear those herself - the ground won't swallow them up like it would flowers - but it makes some strange kind of sense, and it means noticing the empty spaces Root used to fill in her life, telling her about the manufacturing process of SIM cards or bemoaning the lack of care she took with her computer or commending her for choosing an utterly terrible phone to smash to pieces. 

 

The Machine speaks to her as she stands at the foot of Root's grave. 

She doesn't return the favour anymore. 

It's over. Root can't hear her, which means there's nothing to be said except goodbye, and that's one word that will not pass Shaw's lips very soon. 

 

( _Goodbye_ , she says, years later, when she discovers that she can, in fact, fall in love again, when it goes easier because Root taught her what that particular flavour of irritation meant. She doesn't come back, but she doesn't forget, either.)


End file.
